Suicide

Girl Forever Gone

Her face is puffy and red, while painful tears stream down her sad face.
She cries out loudly, hoping someone will hear her silent screams.
So many voices going through her head,
telling her how better she would feel if she were dead.
She places her shaking hands over her ears, trying not to listen.
She yells out once again for help, yet no one comes to her rescue.
She then remains sitting there on her cold bathroom floor, while the clock ticks by.
Her body begins to shake uncontrollably, unable to stop it all.
Starting to realize that no one cares, feeling so alone and helpless.
She finally comes to the decision that there is only one thing left to do.
She brings her shaking hands together, closes her eyes and prays.
She speaks to god one last time and tells him this:

"Lord, I'm so tired and the pain inside doesn't want to go away.
I can no longer shed anymore tears, for my eyes hurt me really bad.
The voices in my head don't want to go away.
My heart aches so bad that it's become too unbearable for me.
No one loves me, no one cares, no one wants me, and no one can help me now.
I tried being the good girl everyone wanted, but it wasn't good enough.
All I wanted was for someone to love me God.
Was I asking too much?
I'm so sorry God but I have to end my suffering the only way I know how.
Please forgive me God for what I'm about to do."

She opens her eyes for the last time, and quickly grabs for the razor blade.
She forces the sharp blade against her wrist.
She starts slitting her veins, deeper and deeper into her flesh.
The dark blood pours out more and more onto the floor all over.
Feeling weaker and weaker, becoming more and more unconscious by the seconds,
the blade drops from her hand onto that cold floor, her final resting place.
Her cold body now collapses to the floor and she slowly begins to feel the pain fade away along with her soul, finally falling into an endless sleep.
She lays there dead, yet free of pain.
It is now quiet, no screams, no tears, no suffering, just utter silence.

My tired eyes

My tired eyes, have seen them all.




I close my eyes and let it all out.
The pain and misery.
I scream till i get hoarse.
I cry till i run out of tears.
I spin and fall onto the ground.
I let myself go...

Art... Art... Art..

Ok, i have no idea why, but i couldn't stop drawing today.. :' )
What do you think of my art stuff? :P

The Drama in my life..

"There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. It's realizing you don't need certain people and the drama they bring."

So true don't you think? I'm tired of all the drama here. I'm tired of helping people sort out their drama. I'm tired of those lame drama queens. I'm tired of it all.

"What is drama but life with the dull bits cut out."
i can testify to that...

"Drama. You say you hate it, but you create it."

Drama. Don't you just hate it?

Thinking...

Well lately i've been doing plenty of thinking. Mainly about life, love, my future. And sometimes i can't even see myself in the future. It's like i won't live that long. Emo much? Well, i've this poem thingy that expresses what i feel..

Do you feel that? Do you feel all of that? Do you have those feelings? Hatred, Love, Sadness, Pain and so much more that you can’t simply bear? Maybe you’re the one that can bear it all. Who knows? Its something I wish I could get rid of. Sometimes I just want to lie on my bed, lost in my own little world. No feeling for a period of time. Emotionless. No stress. No problems…

Love. Love is all you need in this world, some would say. I say we just need everything we need. nothing more, nothing less. Love is important. Without love, you’re a sad hopeless person. Family & Friends. You can’t survive without them. You know you can’t. I know I cant…

Laugh. Smile. Be Happy. A motto I want to live by each day. Its something I lack. Life has those problems. Not a single soul in this world has a good life. It’s hard. It’s hard to go on with life each and every day. No one said it will be easy. No one told me it would be this hard. But I knew it would be. I knew…

Live. Love. Be happy no matter what is what I learn each and every day. Be calm. Don’t fret. There is a way. When things get tough, I learn to live through with them. They won’t end. You know they wont. You will face one problem after another each day. But you would also find happiness in every step you take. You know you will. I know I will. And I want to love my life. Be myself. Be unique. Make your pathway bright. I want me to be happy. If you’re happy, I’m happy =)

So, to go along with that, let me share you the lyrics of my one of my favourite songs which is something we need to put into our lives.. Gosh what wonderful lyrics.. the song "Smile"

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...
- Charlie Chaplin

Beautiful.. So keep smiling. I know its hard for me to be happy, and just smile.. I'm sure many of you are like that as well, but when you do smile, everything will seem beautiful to you.





Did that make you smile? :)

D: Its me again?

Ok. I'm back! I've nearly forgotten about my bloggie.. D: Thanks to prez for reminding me last sunday. :P
Anyway, last week was a really busy week. I had to spend time doing my project for YWiE. It was fun, but way too hectic. At least some people liked it. :)
Now the only problem is, i don't know what to do with my project since everything is finished now. :L My room is way too tiny for two big cardboards with 7 photos on them. Oh and a poem... Anyway, saturday was a crazy day. I couldn't stop laughing with the girls. We just got 'high' and were really 'cuccoo'. Thank goodness for them or i'll just be really blue the entire day.

Anyway, next up was sunday. I was super de duper sleepy in church. I just couldn't stop yawning. But YW was nice. Cuz we had chips. So i guess we got a little hyper... :P Meeting after church with the prez, again, is what reminded me about my blog. He told us to do more of missionary work and wants us to share links on fb or our blogs. I can't really do that on my blog since hardly anyone reads it, and did you see the name of blog? Not suitable for links from church websites. xP But i did like my friend's 'so called blog'. He called it PuppyPancakes. Yes, HE. Yes, PuppyPancakes. It's so cute! Sadly, he's gonna be changing the name. :(

Anyway, next is monday. Today. Nothing to say. Just studied at home as usual, read an awesome book, and plus the weather was just so nice. It's so cold! :) I don't know why but i had this sudden cravings for salty stuff. Gotta remind myself to exercise all those fatty stuff i ate. :' ) Anyway, i'm pretty glad my art stuff was published online on TeenInk. That's an awesome website for teens. I definitely recommend it.

Well, i guess that's all for now. Mom's bugging me to take my meds. Dang blastit, i might end up being a druggie if i continue these meds. Dang you drugs. :' ) Anyway, i'll write more next time, if i'm not that busy. Remind me! After all, i am OLD.

Ciaooooo

PS. I LOVE MURDERER BARBIE!

E-M-O ∞ Q-U-O-T-E-S

Lately, i've been feeling pretty down, or as others call it emo, blue, depressed, etc.. It's all the same.
I don't know why, but it happens often. Well anyway, for the past few days i've been browsing around the internet on emo quotes, emo poems, emo pictures, well basically anything emo. And i love almost all of them especially the quotes since i can relate to many of them in some way. Here are some for you to see:

♥ If you dress nicely, he says you're a snob. If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut. If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he says you don't care. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he says you should be grateful. If you don't love him, he'll try to win you over. If you do love him, he'll leave you. If you don't do it with him, he'll say you're a tease. If you do, he'll say you're easy. If you tell him your problems, he'll say you're irritating. If you don't he'll say you don't trust him. If you break a promise, you can't be trusted. If he breaks it, he had to. If you cheat, he'll expect it to be over. If he does, he expects to be given another chance.

♥ It's hard to love someone secretly.. You're deeply hurt but you can't do anything but to hide it. But isn't it much harder to learn to forget him, not knowing you're the one he's been secretly loving ever since?

♥ Forget what you want, remember what you deserve.

♥ I do to my body what has been done to my soul. (One of my favourites and it's so true)

♥ The sweetest lie you told me... 'I Love You'

♥ Her eyes screamed the saddest apology.

♥ Each scar, another memory to attempt to forget.

♥ I hurt myself so you can't.

♥ Tears are the words the heart can't express.

♥ You're a song I try to sing, a note I cannot hit.


So there's some of my favourites. Plenty more of course, but i can definitely relate to these... What about you?